Tweet this, b****es!

19 10 2009

Carl and Sarah are walking through a forest.

Carl:…And then I thought my status update was hi-lar-ious, so I went ahead and liked it myself.  You know,  so people would see how clever I was.

Sarah: Yeah, I saw that.  Oh, did you see Lenny’s link to that video of that dude singing karaoke in his bedroom?

Carl: That was so great!  I’m going to do the same thing, except I’ll sing pop songs instead that Linkin Park shi…Ow!

Carl collapses to his knee, grabbing above his ankle.

Sarah: What is it?!

Carl: Something bit me!

Sarah: Let me take a look…oh yeah, it looks like a snake bit you.

Carl: What if it was poisonous?!

Sarah: Don’t worry, I’ll look up how to get the venom out.  Just give me a second…

Carl waits, sitting on the ground, clutching his ankle, grimacing in pain.  Sarah gets on her iPhone and quickly begins typing.  After 15 seconds, she’s still typing.  30, still typing.

Carl:…Well?!

Sarah: What?  Oh, my bad!  I wanted to let everyone know what had happened, so I logged onto Facebook real quick.

She looks at her phone while Carl slowly begins slumping down.

Sarah: Ooh, and people have already started to comment! Hehe, Jerry said that you’re finally one with nature.  That’s so funny.

Carl continues his descent into the dark void known as death.  Sarah is oblivious.

Sarah: Hey, I know!  Let me get a quick pic of the bite, so everyone can see!

Carl’s unresponsive, laying flat on the floor.  Sarah picks up his bitten leg, holding it up to take a photo with her iPhone.

Sarah: There we go.  Now just upload it to twitpic.  Let’s see, what’s a good tweet for this…Got it!  “Carl bit by snake…or angry forest nymphs?!”, asterisk, “conspiracy”.  Excellent…

Sarah looks down at Carl, who by now is dead.  Completely dead.  Gone.  Kaput.  Sarah gives the body a quick jab with her foot, then shrugs.  She starts walking, her focus on the screen of the iPhone.

Sarah: (Typing) Carl’s dead…F…M…L…(She continues walking)What, Lenny, you liked that?!…Oh, your comment is explaining that the “Like” is supposed be a “Dislike”, I get it!…

The screen fades to black as a voiceover begins.

Ressurection App?  Not yet...
VO: The iPhone 3.0.  We can’t bring your friend back to life, but you sure as hell can tweet about his untimely demise.
ZA
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Welcome to Atlanta. Bienvenido a Atlanta.

21 09 2009

The BEES (well, 3/4 of them) got in Aaron’s Blazer, no not the jacket, and drove a gazillion hours, or 7, to Atlanta, Georgia for the 6th Annual Black Box Improv Festival.

Here is a short 3-4 minute video recapping adventures.

Enjoy.

-MB.





The ZOMBIE Office.

17 03 2009

“Office Zombie” is by far the worst fate of any man, woman, or child. It is a metamorphosis that slowly develops overtime without any conscience knowledge of its occurrence. Once you finally realize you have become a member of the memo legion it is too late. It already has a firm grip on your soul and your social behavior. “Office Zombies” dwell around us in plain sight and we choose to ignore this pandemic! Maybe we are in denial of the almost certain fate that awaits our friends and family. Or perhaps we have already been turned into these email anticipating creatures of 9-5 and we don’t even know it! I am afraid that while doing my best to avoid the bite of the florescent light beast I might have become infected!

zombie2

All day I have been frantically running the various categories of Office Zombies through my head to determine if I have indeed become one of them. Am I a “Bagel Guy”? A specifically fierce zombie that constantly is bringing Panera bagels to the office in hopes of good Karma, and a possible conversation starter with the office hottie. A bite from this zombie will lead to almost certain self loathing and empty pockets. I have not become this zombie, thank god. I am way too selfish to bring others morning treats. Thank God, that was a close one.

Could I be a “Jester”? Another very dangerous species of Zombie that will always participate in the office’s “special” day. You can spot this Zombie a mile away wearing an American Flag t-shirt on the 4th of July. The company emails said to wear green because it was Saint Patrick’s Day, but this Zombie takes it upon itself to dress like a fucking Leprechaun. Close call again but this isn’t me either; the only time I am glad I don’t own novelty clothing.

Oh dear God, maybe I am a “Martha Stuart Zombie”!! This undead, wannabe designer takes out its aggression on their cube, or even worse the office kitchen. Never get too close to the dark, decorated habitat of this bedazzled creature. Its cube has more decorations than Liberace’s bay room. A wooden, hand painted, craft sign which reads “Mondays are Dumb Days” means almost certain death. Even worse this Zombie has an arsenal of Pampered Chief tuber ware specific to the day of the week. AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I have definitely dodged the bullet on this one. My cube is witty decoration free, and I currently do not have an obscure salad dressing like Camel Spit Vinaigrette waiting for me in the fridge.

Then it hit me like a ton of Sparco staplers when getting my morning coffee to ensure that I was alert in case of any zombie attacks. Just when I thought I was in the clear my whole world came crashing down. I couldn’t breath; my coffee mug fell from my hands shattering on the floor throwing coffee in all directions. I could hear the Office Zombies moaning as if accepting me into their ranks. I can’t believe I missed it. It was so obvious; it was there the entire time. I was a “Novelty Coffee Mug Zombie”!!!!!! As I was on all fours catching my breath and wiping a combination of droll and vomit from my lips I could still read the artifact that sealed my fate. “If you don’t do anything, you’ll never make mistakes”. The shattered picture of Homer Simpson that accompanied this taunting quote seemed to laugh in my face. It was all over; everything I tried so hard to avoid suddenly consumed my soul.

I can’t fight it anymore……….getting hard to breathe……need more paper clips……………

Memo: Coffee…..Good

-Aaron G.





An Open Letter to Lady Gaga.

12 03 2009
2705089743_f011e138051Dear Ms. Gaga,

How’s it going? I’m hoping this letter finds you well. And by well, I mean not face-down on a shag carpet.

You see, Ms. Gaga, I’m writing this letter to you to voice my concern over the lifestyle you seem to be pursuing, as exemplified in the current singles you have out, “Just Dance” and “PokerFace.” Every time I hear one of these songs come on the radio, or see one of the videos played on a supposed music television channel, my heart fills with a slight anxiety over the lifestyle you are promoting. I still sing along and even dance a little, but always slightly anxiously.

Now, it’s very true that I don’t know you at a personal level. However, your recommendation to continue dancing after losing your cell phone and keys is one recommendation that I would be reluctant to take. Also, I would not be questioning how my shirt was turned inside out, but rather when and why my shirt became turned inside out without my knowledge. Not to mention that it’s rather alarming to me if I could not remember the name of the establishment wherein I was just dancing.

Moving on to your second single that is burning up the charts, “PokerFace”. I will admit that as far as the music is concerned, it’s highly enjoyable. I’ve annoyed many a friend with my rendition of you singing “Pa-Pa-Pa-PokerFace-Pa-Pa-PokerFace”, and for that I thank you. My concern, however, is with the music video. In the beginning of the video, you are emerging from a pool wearing a swimsuit and some sort of headwear that appears to be a mix of a bicycle helmet and those small mirrors from disco balls. The swimsuit, of course, is reasonable. The headwear, however, is something I would question. It looks like it would be difficult to keep your head above water while sporting that supposed stylish headgear. Of course I could be jumping to conclusions in that you were swimming. Perhaps you were just wading in the shallow end, as that can be quite fun on occasion. Also, throughout the video, you have a tendency to make the OK symbol with your hand, then place said hand over your face, so your eye is appearing through the loop made by your thumb and index finger. While I can find nothing intrinsically wrong with that, I have to wonder what exactly this gesture has to do with the game of poker. Perhaps it’s your way of informing the dealer that you are checking to the next player. If you can provide any clarification, by all means.

This writing is not an intervention by any means, Ms. Gaga. It’s merely a voicing of my concern over the lifestyle/fashion choices that you appear to be making. Maybe in your next video, you may consider wearing something a little more practical. And maybe attempting to dance, rather than flailing around like electrodes are going off in random parts of your body. Again, just an observation.

Those are the thoughts I’ll leave you with. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to send a letter to Kanye West about his choice of sunglasses, and the lack of UV protection they provide.





Are mustaches really coming back??

12 03 2009

So, I’ve noticed that there are several celebrities out there who have started sporting the “moostache”. There was Brad Pitt, who was probably most noticed for having it, and then there were other celebs, such as Ashton Kutcher and Jack Black, who tried it out.creepy-moostache I had my own opinions about the mustache, but I thought I’d reserve those until I actually gave it a GO myself. While I was shaving I just decided to quit on it part way in and see what it was like. How creepy is that right?! I immediately had the urge to jump online and look up unmarked vans, tricycles, and bags of candy.

After losing some time in Kelley Blue Book I realized that maybe this wasn’t the direction I wanted to let MY moostache take me. No, my moostache had other plans for me. Lead the way moostache! These new plans included an old VHS camera and a lonely blonde named Carmella, or Sweet Caramel, depending on where you met her. That’s right, this ‘stache was headed for porn!

… … … WTF?! Where is this thing leading me?? Wait! THIS is why we don’t sport mustaches anymore, ’cause the only people that wear them nowadays are pedophiles and porn stars! I know Hollywood can get away with some trends that even they shouldn’t try, but PLEASE do not let this trickle down into mainstream. I saw my dad trying it… man, did that creep me out! Let’s let that fad die.

-RH





Entrance Fail.

25 02 2009

Yep. This happened. Best entrance to a show. EVER. We love you, Jenni.

Ahh NCCAF. The best 5 days in a long time.





NCCAF: Play Hard or Go Home.

20 02 2009

 

Yeah, we are a SEXY bunch

Yeah, we are a SEXY bunch

Yep. Made of BEES had their first NCCAF appearance last night. And they ROCKED the joint. (*Pictures coming soon). We wanted to take this opportunity to thank the DSI Comedy Theatre, the NC Comedy Arts staff, fans, and everyone who has been supporting this awesomely incredible festival. There are still 9 more shows TONIGHT and 7 more shows TOMORROW! Holy sh*t! That’s a lot of comedy.

So, if you are sad you missed the first 2 nights, don’t fret. Come check out shows tonight and tomorrow. Unless you are reading this on Sunday… or any day after that. Because it will be too late. 

But if you are reading this at a later time and you attended one of those shows, thank you. And man, that bit about the race cars and barbies? — GREAT BIT. Am I right?

I think I just blew my own mind. 

All for now.

-MB