Goodbye, 2010.

31 12 2010

In a little over 24 hours, and a little under 36 hours, 2010 will become just another year in the annals of history.

But oh, what a year it was!

We had tragedy, triumph, laughter, tears, cheers, jeers, and plenty of other strong nouns which describe…well, describe just about every year I’ve been a part of.

But wait! We had new people burst onto the celebrity scene, with star-making turns in music! And movies! And books!

…Hold on, that kind of stuff happens every year.

So, what exactly is going to differentiate 2010 from the other 365 (366, for leap years) day-cycles I’ve lived?

It’s a good question. One which I won’t spend much time thinking over, due to my predilection to delve into self-pity whenever I grow nostalgic for the past. However, since I’m writing right now, might as well.

On an aside, as I type this, there’s a group of teenagers sitting behind me in this bookstore coffee bar. It’s almost endearing, how they attempt at every moment to insert profanity into their dialogue. I just heard one of them mention how he loves the “new Magic: The F***ing Gathering card set.” Two things: 1) I had no idea they were still making Magic: The Gathering card packs. And 2) Inspired, I am going to begin inserting the F-word randomly into card games. Truly, it will be a day to remember when I tell Mom that I’m looking forward to the annual Crazy F***ing Eights game we play on Memorial Day weekend.

Alright, back to whatever it was I was typing about. Ah, yes! What will I remember 2010 for?

There are certainly a multitude of possibilities. My own personal triumphs, tragedies, cheers, jeers, tears, and so forth.

To be self-serving, however, I think I’ll remember 2010 as the Year of False Starts.

I began an exercise program, then abandoned it. I researched how to create a voice-over demo, then pushed that to the back of my mind. Hell, I even attempted to get a page going to earn a screen test for the third Batman film, when things that forcefully categorize themselves as IMPORTANT (All caps, naturally) took over.

Essentially, 2010 was my 2009, which in turn was my 2008.

Am I angry about it? A little, the anger directed toward myself for lacking the integrity and determination on these things that I knew would be absolutely necessary to pursuing a life that I want to lead.

So what do I do with this anger? Bottle it up, like I am wont to do? Let it rage, perhaps create a YouTube account where I can droll on and on about how my life is terrible, maybe play some Dashboard Confessional in the background?

Nah. I’ve done the former too many times. And the latter…I’m sure my friends would form a single-file line, all taking turns in smacking me, informing me to snap out of it (rightly so).

I’m pretty sure that leaves me with the only option of letting that anger go. Forgiving myself for the past misdeeds and false starts, and forging ahead in creating a better life for myself.

If I can do this, then at the end of this 365-day cycle, I’ll be able to look back and say, “Yeah, 2011…pretty badass.”

Much love, everybody. Be safe and have a great start to 2011. I know I will.

And now, to leave you with an indelible image, I bring you me looking wistfully into a sample of bourbon from the Four Roses distillery in Kentucky.

I am not a bourbon man.

ZA

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