The Night Before MoB’s Christmas.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and through the Bees’ house,

They were enjoying the night, and no, they weren’t soused.

Their spirits were filled with holiday cheer,

Knowing that Santa would soon be here.

Aaron stayed up to catch the big man,

While Zach checked the Bees’ page, wanting more fans.

And Molly wore her Snuggie. Stacey had one too,

They ate Christmas cookies; the frosting was blue.

When from the front door, there came such a knocking.

They all went quiet, their watches tick-tocking.

The door burst open, and who should appear

But Ryan, who moved to the west this year!

They leapt from their places, each from their seating,

To give Mr. Hansinger a holiday greeting.

He looked around, curious, a query on his mind,

“Where is Jenni?” he wondered, “She wasn’t far behind.”

At that moment, Jenni came into the scene,

Followed by Santa, who wasn’t looking so keen.

“Guys!” hollered Jenni, “Something’s wrong with Saint Nick!”

Aaron agreed, “He does look a little sick.”

“Santa, what’s wrong?” Molly inquired,

“Your breathing is shallow, your skin is perspired.”

“Oh, child!” Santa bellowed, shaking his head,

“It’s food poisoning, and I must get to bed.

“But there are  toys left to give,  smiles to be had;

I can’t go on, though, I feel so bad!”

Stacey stood up, threw her Snuggie to the ground.

“No Christmas for children?  Not while I’m around!”

The Bees looked at each other, they knew what had to be done.

It was now up to them to ensure holiday fun.

Laying up Santa onto the couch,

They rallyed together, not one a slouch.

 Ryan and Aaron were the men in the back,

Organizing the presents in Santa’s sack.

Zach and Molly kept the reindeer at bay,

Assuring them Santa would be okay.

Stacey and Jenni got in the front, both took the reins,

While Aaron hollered out, “Stacey driving? Are you insane?!”

But there was no time to argue, for in a quick minute,

Santa’s sleigh was airborne, with the Bees in it.

Around the world they flew, gifts handed out.

The kids were so happy, they all danced about.

Soon, the night was done, the Bees were a-twitter,

And when they returned to their house, their hearts went a-flitter.

For standing in the living room, in the early morn,

Was none other than last name Michaels, first name Lorne.

“Santa told me what you did,” Lorne droned in his voice;

“Very impressive, and I’ve made a choice:

“I want you all to be part of Saturday Night Live.”

The Bees’ mouths dropped open; Molly yelled, “High Five!”

They celebrated that day, with rolls and nog made from eggs,

While Ryan danced, using many Stanky Legs.

The moral of the story, friends, is to keep close sight,

One day you may find us yelling, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

-ZA

The Carb Factory – An Assembly of the Real Reason for Dining Out

As a highly regarded analyst in this fine country, I have decided to take a look at the restaurants of our nation. In doing this, I have noticed a trend and look to capitalize on my findings. When trying to determine where to dine out, what is the most common deciding factor? The answer: bread.

As a forward thinker, I have been working on a business proposal to bring all the great breads of “Restaurant Nation” under one roof – The Carb Factory. The Carb Factory will feature all of the best of the best in bread. The reason for going to Olive Garden: garlic bread. That’s in. Red Lobster is famous for their Cheddar Bay Biscuits. They’re on the menu. The wheat bread from The Cheesecake Factory… it’s a menu item. You’d like the baguette from Panera? Oh, I believe you mean a #4. KFC’s biscuits, Little Caesars Crazy Bread, BK’s Croissan’wich croissant – all a part of The Carb Factory! We wanted to take it a step further than just bringing all of your favorite breads under one roof. Brought straight from Hooters is, our soon to be famous, Wing Balls! It’s all of that outstanding breading from the world’s best wings, taken off the chicken and rolled into a perfect orb, then dipped in your choice of wing sauce. Bon appetite! To complete the whole meal, make sure you order something to quench your thirst. If you haven’t guessed it yet, the only thing served at The Carb Factory is beer! It’s like delicious bread in a liquid form, so drink up everyone! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to read the stellar reviews Zagat will have for this brand new place of familiar taste!

I know that many Americans go on no carb diets, but when they fall off the wagon (as the great taste of carbs cause many to eventually do) they’ll need a place to go, too. The Carb Factory puts a lot of emphasis on the family and community atmosphere which makes this a great place to go. If you’re going to fall off the wagon, why not fall into the arms of those who love you? Well, they’re all down at The Carb Factory, so come on by! What feels more like a family meal than a bowl of oven-baked White House Rolls with a side of gravy or marinara? If you are one who is very committed to a health-conscious diet and just won’t budge, then you may order off our salad menu which features our variety of crouton bowls accompanied with your favorite dressing. After treating yourself with a healthy choice crouton bowl, you’ll surely feel you’ve earned a chance to indulge in a guilty pleasure, so order some of our Pokey Sticks that come straight from Gumby’s in Blacksburg! These things are so good that they could break up a marriage! Luckily, you won’t have to put your relationship on the line because The Carb Factory is an outstanding date destination, so there’s no need to cancel a date to eat them. Make a reservation instead!

I hope you all have the chance to drop in and partake in my vision. I’m just a simple man with a goal to create a menu that offers you all the very best. Believe me, there’s something in here for everyone to enjoy, so next time you have to think about where to dine out next, I think you’ll find the choice is clear. The Carb Factory – Wheat love to see you!

RH

Buddy System in Business

As we continue to sit in a recession, I feel like it’s only be best for the nation if people and businesses alike came together to combine efforts that would both save money and increase sales. Don’t worry, America, I’ve got the ball rolling with a few ideas. Check it out – businesses love advertising, right? Of course they do! It’s a necessity. I’ve taken that simple concept and improved upon it by coming up with the great idea of producing combo-commercials. Sit back and imagine with me.

Two guys in their mid to late 20′s are scoping out their local neighborhood type bar. Guy 1 decides that he’s going to make a move on an attractive girl who is alone at the bar, but first, Guy 2 is a good friend and hooks him up with a piece of Winterfresh. Guy 1 starts to chew. Snow begins to fall. The entire bar freezes over. Then, Guy 1 says to Girl 1 in a breathy way which is visible to all because of the chill, “Can I buy you a drink?” She responds, “Absolutely.” At that moment, the Coors Light train drives through the back side of the bar and drops off two perfectly filled pints to the soon-to-be couple. Even Cooler. Even Better! Tap the Rockies.

 

 

 

Boom! That’s a wrap! One set of actors, only make snow and freeze an entire bar once, and only one set of Rocky Mountains. Are we cutting costs or what?! And what goes better together? Nothing. Gum is always a good idea when talking to real, live people, but it’s also the perfect compliment to drinking beer and taking care of that stale breath. This is only one great example of the combo-commercial. I would provide a ton of others… if I had them. For now, one example is good. I can’t do all the work, America. Let’s bring back the buddy system and see what develops. That third grade concept may just be the saving grace in these troubling times.

RH

The Name Game

In some recent news, a London based translation firm is offering parents-to-be the chance to check the meaning of their prospective baby names in other languages. The service with this firm currently costs 1000 pounds (nearly $1700) to check the name’s meaning in 100 different languages. An alternative to this that I would lean towards would be Google – because it’s FREE! Regardless, some celebrity types love to spend money in the most frivolous ways, and, at the same time, love the fad of naming their children with less contemporary names. One celebrity name that may have been wise to check in other languages is Suri Cruise. I will say that I support checking this one because of Tom Cruise’s wide-spread reputation and the size and influence of the countries where his daughter’s name translates horribly. Suri translates to “turned sour” in French, “pickpocket” in Japanese, and “horse mackerels” in Italian. Maybe Suri will luck out and find interest in science or marching band rather than foreign language during high school…

Another example that was made was Gwen Stafani’s son, Zuma. Of course, everyone knows that Zuma means “peace” in Arabic. That’s a given… What people may not have known is that, in the Aztec language of Nahuatl, Zuma means “Lord frowns in anger”. Man, are all of Stefani’s Aztec neighbors going to have a field day with this one! To be fair, Nahuatl is still a spoken language, so Zuma may have a tough week if and when he chooses to go backpacking through the mountains of central Mexico. Until then, his name will probably be more closely connected to the Zuma beach in Malibu, California known for its great surfing and scenery. What a shame.

Some names that are being created and used in America need no translation, but perhaps just a second set of eyes before making it official. Take for example the name, Ladynasty, which is to be pronounced luh-dynasty, but could be easily broken into lady-nasty! Oh, how easily that name can be turned insulting. All it takes is a creative middle-schooler with a need for some fun during algebra. Another favorite of mine is, La-a. This one usually gets people stuck, but let me give you a hint… it’s Ladasha. Seriously?! I mean no offense to Lady Nasty or La-a. It is not their fault that their parents picked out their names during flip cup. I will credit creativity points, but creative doesn’t always equal wise (like giving the Fanny Bank as an anniversary gift to your wife). The more I consider it, I actually don’t even mind the use of symbols in a name, but I would like to see something a little more understandable – like P@ or P8on. Are we getting too close to personalized licence plates now? Eh, we could play with it for one generation I suppose.

I think the bottom line is that we shouldn’t concern ourselves with the translation of our children’s names into other languages. If the Estonians decide to make fun of our children because of the difference in cultural meaning, chances are that we won’t even know they’re doing it. I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with providing a child with an undeserved and avoidable hurdle right out of the gate. A name can say a lot though when it comes to making first impressions, so please, parents, consider the name you are giving to your child, because when it comes down to it, it will be them getting the nature wedgies in gym class – not you.

RH

No More Hiding

As many of our Made of Bees followers may know, I moved to Los Angeles and have been living here for several months now. What you might not know is that I may have been doing this somewhat illegally. See, upon entering the state for residence, you are required to register your car with the DMV which everyone knows is inconvenient, a hassel, and often results in paying them money – none of which I was in a rush to do. Instead, I chose to live my life on the road much like a weed-dealer who had to walk past a police station to get to the high school. I found alternate routes, low-budget disguises, and other ways to lay low, but still always a bit on edge when I took [my car] to the streets. I managed to do this pretty well though. I took the back roads to work and the grocery store (not the same place, but I may need a second job one day, so stay tuned), I opted for the windy canyon road to Hollywood rather than the 101-freeway, and sometimes when I couldn’t avoid the main roads, I would simply leave the car cover on to travel. I was practically invisible in this town! You can never be too careful though. I was always ready with a good excuse when I got behind the wheel. On the chance that an officer decided to pull me simply because of my out-of-state licence plates, my go to line was “SIR, I’M JUST VISITING!” (volume = confidence, confidence = trust). The more times that I traveled, the more worried I became, and the less I believed my own lie. “Surely they’ve recognized this car by now”, I thought. I considered the disguise approach to continue avoiding a trip to the DMV. I went straight to Google in search of an ice cream paint job. I hear good things about them. I also hear it’s a bit pricey, so I passed. I kept on with what had become my normal routine in California,  “$h!t! There is a solid 1-in-7 chance this car behind me is a cop. Surely I need to make an immediate stop in at this Check ‘n Go!”

They say stress can kill a man, or at least make a face break out, neither of which is good. Lucky for me, neither really happened, but, as I lay in bed thinking about it, I did feel a huge weight bearing down on me. I pushed her off, sent her home, and showered in regret. Then thought more about the increasing risk I was putting myself in with each day that I drove unregistered in the state of California. Was this really worth all the worry? Should I just go to the DMV and face the music. The music which is probably most comparable to a 2-hour loop of Shakira’s howling in “She Wolf” (ah-oooo). God help me. Let’s do this.

I am proud to say that today I have cleaned up my act and I’m not looking back. I admitted my problem and confronted it. Let me tell you, I have never felt better. A weight has been lifted. It’s a nerve-wrecking life to go out in the world without the proper documentation and always have to wonder when you will be sent out of this beautiful country… or just forced to pay a traffic fine. It’s possible that I had my SSN stolen and reused by another during that DMV trip, but hey, let’s just think of it as me giving back in some roundabout way. Today’s bottom line: the bills are paid, my mind is free, and now I can live life to be all I can be.

RH

Chicken Sandwich Supremacy

Today I went to Chick-Fil-A and basked in all its glory. As I slowly devoured that delicious combo #1 (w/ no pickles) I couldn’t help but to recognize all of the reasons why I love that place. Those reasons I can’t help but to share.

1- Service – Smiles from ear to ear behind every register as if they each worked for Bill Gates himself. The joy they seem to have for working in fast food makes you want to hug them upon concluding your order. And who is that kind, elderly person hanging around? It’s as though Chick-Fil-A has their very own host for their dining room! A person designated to serve as the party liason to this fried chicken gala. Hugs to that person as well. And yes, ma’am/sir, my meal was enjoyable.

2 – Food – Few places can take the exact same product and divide it into more combos than Chick-Fil-A. McDonald’s, you’re a wannabe when it comes to the chicken sandwich. “But what about the calories?” Pipe down health nuts! This meal is worth every blood clot that could come of it. This fried slice of heaven comes with an accompaniment of waffle fries and an assortment of sauces. Have you even tried them?! Buttermilk Ranch, Buffalo, and BBQ complete my combo meal. Dress it up with those and you can pretty much take this thing to prom.

3 – Special Thanks – I want to end this post with a special thanks to the person who took charge in making my fresh squeezed lemonade. Just water, pure cane sugar, and fresh squeezed lemons – that’s what they claim… and I believe them! So thanks to you, Captain Lemonizer. Job well done.

-RTH

Bits N’ Clips.

Hey guys. We’re working on getting some show clips online for your entertainment and enjoyment. YouTube has been not liking our high quality videos and so they are taking a while to upload… but here are two fun clips for you!

The Worst State Fair Prize Ever

A Present Unlike Any Other.

Enjoy

With a lot of recent talk about all this new stuff that we have these days, I found myself thinking back to the days of old. Does anyone remember those personalized name decals that people would put on their cars? Man, those were great, huh? Nothing says ‘I love you’ more than having your name on the passenger side of someone’s car. Yup, I did that. That was love. Oh, and I didn’t cut corners by just putting the initials. Ryan on the driver side gf’s name on the passenger. I was telling the world who rode as my co-pilot. Don’t bother calling shotgun, this seat’s taken.

I still see these from time to time, but more frequently now I am seeing the family decal with names all written out. This is yet another way for a proud mom of many to put her kids in the public eye. I can safely say my mom isn’t rockin’ one of these on the back of her car. I will admit that we had something similar when I was growing up. We had a picture that hung framed in our downstairs bathroom with stick-figure like cartoon representations of each of the 6 members in my family hanging out in the family bathtub? That’s not weird right? Come to think of it, I don’t know if that’s really better or worse in comparison… Actually, I will give the edge to the window decal on this one, but only because it has the ability to be updated. With the divorce rate up around 50%, it’s got to be nice to be able to scrape out the spouse that stepped out of line. Or, or what if Roxy over there came along for the ride but discovered 3 blocks in that she has typhoid fever. Time for an update! You’ve gotta love self-expression! Everyone wants it in one way or another, and if it’s love you want to share – show it with a decal.

-RH

Forget the FACTS. Episode 2.

Forget the FACTS w/ Ryan & Molly

February 3rd, 2009