Buddy System in Business

As we continue to sit in a recession, I feel like it’s only be best for the nation if people and businesses alike came together to combine efforts that would both save money and increase sales. Don’t worry, America, I’ve got the ball rolling with a few ideas. Check it out – businesses love advertising, right? Of course they do! It’s a necessity. I’ve taken that simple concept and improved upon it by coming up with the great idea of producing combo-commercials. Sit back and imagine with me.

Two guys in their mid to late 20′s are scoping out their local neighborhood type bar. Guy 1 decides that he’s going to make a move on an attractive girl who is alone at the bar, but first, Guy 2 is a good friend and hooks him up with a piece of Winterfresh. Guy 1 starts to chew. Snow begins to fall. The entire bar freezes over. Then, Guy 1 says to Girl 1 in a breathy way which is visible to all because of the chill, “Can I buy you a drink?” She responds, “Absolutely.” At that moment, the Coors Light train drives through the back side of the bar and drops off two perfectly filled pints to the soon-to-be couple. Even Cooler. Even Better! Tap the Rockies.

 

 

 

Boom! That’s a wrap! One set of actors, only make snow and freeze an entire bar once, and only one set of Rocky Mountains. Are we cutting costs or what?! And what goes better together? Nothing. Gum is always a good idea when talking to real, live people, but it’s also the perfect compliment to drinking beer and taking care of that stale breath. This is only one great example of the combo-commercial. I would provide a ton of others… if I had them. For now, one example is good. I can’t do all the work, America. Let’s bring back the buddy system and see what develops. That third grade concept may just be the saving grace in these troubling times.

RH

Barney Frank: Only cool guy with a lisp!

Please take a second to watch a clip from a townhall meeting where Barney Frank (Mass. Democratic representative) was discussing the democrat’s plan for health care:

Oh snap extreme right wing nut job, in yo face! No one has used the comeback “What planet are you from” since the first season of Saved By the Bell. Sure it wasn’t very original but chances are she never watched Saved By the Bell because she thought the close nit friends of Bayside High were to similar to Communist Russia. You can tell by the look on her face that the insult really cut deep. At this point in the comeback she is really thinking, “Man it was dumb to put a Hitler stash on Obama, now people think I’m an alien!”

The final blow of the 1-2 combo comes with this statement, “Arguing with you would be like arguing with a dining room table, I have no interest in doing it.” If this was a free style battle, this is where Barney would drop the mic right in front of her face. At this point Miss Coo Coo for conservative puffs has dropped a load in her Bill O’ Reilly under-roos.

Reasons why this chick is two full raisin scoops behind:

1.) She thinks Obama is Hitler. Ummm Hello everyone knows that Obama can’t grow a mustache!

2.) She sees health care reform in America as a Nazi policy. You know, your actually right on this one. The Nazis definitely were concerned about the health and well being of its people. Wait…….What??……they killed 6 million Jews……uhhhhhhhh………..moving on!

3). This lady is making conservatives who actually have an honest fear about our government look horrible. A lot of people have legitimate arguments against the policies of President Obama, but they are over shadowed by morans who are too concerned with “making a point”, than actually thinking about what they are saying.

Why Barney Frank kicks ass!!

1.) Only dude with a lisp I actually enjoy listening to. If God has a lisp then he will sound just like Barney Frank. I would love to see him speak……just not from the front row.

2) The only other Barney I have ever heard of, is the big purple one. You automatically have to be a bad ass if your a homosexual with the name Barney. If I saw Barney Frank in the street I would curl into a little ball and suck my thumb!

3) Barney realizes that because our great country allows freedom of speech you will get people like this. People who just want to use their freedom to use it, instead of using it with a purpose. Instead of getting worked up over such a ridiculous accusation, Barney simply shakes his head and points out to the lady that she is going to get no where.

Side note for impressive mustache photoshoper

Thank you for expressing your beliefs in such an open public forum. Not many people are brave enough to step up and say what they really feel, i commend you for that. We have freedom of speech for a reason, so please use it as much as humanly possible. But always remember one thing, You look dumb as shit!

-AG

Hollywood is doing its part to save the environment, Part 2

Hey everyone, Zach here again.  As mentioned in the previous post, I have come across three scriptments for new Hollywood productions.  The second one I’ll be sharing with you is for Asteroids.  I think it’s great that the writers are wanting to go back to a more innocent, 1950′s style of science fiction.  Interestingly enough, they decided to write out a scene from what I’m assuming is the second act in their story.

Asteroids

Treatment by C. Armstrong & A. Goldsmith

EXT.  AIR FORCE BASE.  A wide-shot shows our main ensemble heading into a large hangar.  The ensemble consists of GENERAL YANCY, an older gentleman, salt-and-pepper hair fashioned in a crew-cut; PETE WILSON, a young guy, 17 at most, lithe body, a sense of wonder/naivete in his eyes; LANA ANDREWS, 27, beautiful, but in a midwest, Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island kind of way (Note: See if producer’s secretary has acting experience); and finally CLARK WILLIAMS, a true-blooded American, tall, clean-cut, lantern-jawed hunk of a man.  The kind of man women want to bed, and men want to have a beer with (Note: This part not to be offered to Shia.  Anyone but Shia).

PETE

Golly, Clark, I can’t believe you’re really gonna go fight those big rock things!

CLARK

It’s what I do, Pete.  It’s what any good hearted, blue collar, hard working man should do.

LANA

Oh, Clark!

CLARK

Oh, Lana!

They embrace.  And embrace.  Until YANCY coughs, breaking up the moment.

YANCY

Now if you two lovebirds are done fawning over each other, it’s time Clark saw what he’ll be flying…

And with that, the hangar doors open, revealing a small ship.  It looks like it used to be a fighter plane, but the wings have been pulled back, and the nose honed down into an acute angle.  Indeed, it should bear a passing resemblance to the ship found in the video game.

PETE

That?!  He’s going to be flying that piece of junk?!

YANCY

It may look like a piece of junk, son, but trust me, it can do the job.

YANCY steps to the side.

YANCY

Hop on in, Clark, see how she feels.

CLARK obliges, climbing into the cockpit of this oddly-shaped vehicle.  Inside he finds the normally complex steering apparatus has been modified into a joystick with a red button on top, and another red button in the upper left-hand corner.

CLARK

No offense, General, but this looks a little primitive.  You sure the boys at NASA aren’t just pulling my leg?

YANCY

Clark, c’mon.  You know those space-boys don’t have time to have a sense of humor.  What you’re sitting in, son, is the height, the zenith of technology.  You know, they originally wanted to use this ship to land on the moon.

PETE

A lunar landing?  Yeah, right! (Note: Be sure to publicize history of Asteroids video game during press junkets)

YANCY

Alright, Clark, let’s see what you can do.

TWO SCIENTISTS roll out a large rock, positioning it in front of the plane.

YANCY

This is part of one of those rock things that crashed down in the heartland.  Give that top red button a push.

CLARK pushes the button.  A thin white beam bursts from the nose of the plane, landing mainly on the right side of the rock.  Instantly, the rock EXPLODES, separating into two equal halves.

CLARK

Huh, that’s interesting…

YANCY

Yeah, we can’t explain that either.  Nature of the beast, I suppose.

LANA

Oh, Clark!

YANCY

Now you’re really going to love this.  Boys, move one of those pieces behind the plane.

The SCIENTISTS oblige, positioning one of the halves at the rear.  CLARK laughs.

YANCY

Fire again.

CLARK

But…

YANCY

I said fire!

PETE

Everybody get down!

CLARK pushes the joystick button.  The white beam bursts out again, shooting across the plains for what seems like forever.  A worried look across CLARK, PETE, and LANA’s face.  YANCY’s face, however, is focused on his pocketwatch.

YANCY

Any minute now…

Suddenly, the group sees the white beam shooting across the landscape…coming towards the rear of the plane! The laser makes contact with the rock, hitting it mainly on the left, but still halving the rock cleanly down the middle.

PETE

Golly!

LANA

Oh, Clark!

YANCY smirks, as CLARK lets out an appreciative whistle.

YANCY

So what do you think, son?

CLARK

I think it’s time I showed these rocks what some good old American know-how can do!

LANA

Oh, Clark!

CLARK

Oh, Lana!

PETE

Golly!

…Eh, I say they bury this, release it sometime in January.  Or maybe August.

ZA

And, of course: Copyright, Zach Arnold, July 13th, 2009.