The Name Game

In some recent news, a London based translation firm is offering parents-to-be the chance to check the meaning of their prospective baby names in other languages. The service with this firm currently costs 1000 pounds (nearly $1700) to check the name’s meaning in 100 different languages. An alternative to this that I would lean towards would be Google – because it’s FREE! Regardless, some celebrity types love to spend money in the most frivolous ways, and, at the same time, love the fad of naming their children with less contemporary names. One celebrity name that may have been wise to check in other languages is Suri Cruise. I will say that I support checking this one because of Tom Cruise’s wide-spread reputation and the size and influence of the countries where his daughter’s name translates horribly. Suri translates to “turned sour” in French, “pickpocket” in Japanese, and “horse mackerels” in Italian. Maybe Suri will luck out and find interest in science or marching band rather than foreign language during high school…

Another example that was made was Gwen Stafani’s son, Zuma. Of course, everyone knows that Zuma means “peace” in Arabic. That’s a given… What people may not have known is that, in the Aztec language of Nahuatl, Zuma means “Lord frowns in anger”. Man, are all of Stefani’s Aztec neighbors going to have a field day with this one! To be fair, Nahuatl is still a spoken language, so Zuma may have a tough week if and when he chooses to go backpacking through the mountains of central Mexico. Until then, his name will probably be more closely connected to the Zuma beach in Malibu, California known for its great surfing and scenery. What a shame.

Some names that are being created and used in America need no translation, but perhaps just a second set of eyes before making it official. Take for example the name, Ladynasty, which is to be pronounced luh-dynasty, but could be easily broken into lady-nasty! Oh, how easily that name can be turned insulting. All it takes is a creative middle-schooler with a need for some fun during algebra. Another favorite of mine is, La-a. This one usually gets people stuck, but let me give you a hint… it’s Ladasha. Seriously?! I mean no offense to Lady Nasty or La-a. It is not their fault that their parents picked out their names during flip cup. I will credit creativity points, but creative doesn’t always equal wise (like giving the Fanny Bank as an anniversary gift to your wife). The more I consider it, I actually don’t even mind the use of symbols in a name, but I would like to see something a little more understandable – like P@ or P8on. Are we getting too close to personalized licence plates now? Eh, we could play with it for one generation I suppose.

I think the bottom line is that we shouldn’t concern ourselves with the translation of our children’s names into other languages. If the Estonians decide to make fun of our children because of the difference in cultural meaning, chances are that we won’t even know they’re doing it. I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with providing a child with an undeserved and avoidable hurdle right out of the gate. A name can say a lot though when it comes to making first impressions, so please, parents, consider the name you are giving to your child, because when it comes down to it, it will be them getting the nature wedgies in gym class – not you.

RH

Sometimes it sucks to be a door

You know, we all have bad days. We get frustrated. We want to scream, cry, yell, eat cookies – whatever. Women tend to either scream or cry, we’re not violent getter-upseters. Men, they punch, break, steal, and plunder? things. But, no matter what, I don’t think I would ever take out my frustrations on something that didn’t do anything to me.

Rampage Jackson gives me a perfect example of what I am referring to: (I feel really sorry for this poor door)

Ouch. I wonder if he got a splinter.

-Molly BEE

No More Hiding

As many of our Made of Bees followers may know, I moved to Los Angeles and have been living here for several months now. What you might not know is that I may have been doing this somewhat illegally. See, upon entering the state for residence, you are required to register your car with the DMV which everyone knows is inconvenient, a hassel, and often results in paying them money – none of which I was in a rush to do. Instead, I chose to live my life on the road much like a weed-dealer who had to walk past a police station to get to the high school. I found alternate routes, low-budget disguises, and other ways to lay low, but still always a bit on edge when I took [my car] to the streets. I managed to do this pretty well though. I took the back roads to work and the grocery store (not the same place, but I may need a second job one day, so stay tuned), I opted for the windy canyon road to Hollywood rather than the 101-freeway, and sometimes when I couldn’t avoid the main roads, I would simply leave the car cover on to travel. I was practically invisible in this town! You can never be too careful though. I was always ready with a good excuse when I got behind the wheel. On the chance that an officer decided to pull me simply because of my out-of-state licence plates, my go to line was “SIR, I’M JUST VISITING!” (volume = confidence, confidence = trust). The more times that I traveled, the more worried I became, and the less I believed my own lie. “Surely they’ve recognized this car by now”, I thought. I considered the disguise approach to continue avoiding a trip to the DMV. I went straight to Google in search of an ice cream paint job. I hear good things about them. I also hear it’s a bit pricey, so I passed. I kept on with what had become my normal routine in California,  “$h!t! There is a solid 1-in-7 chance this car behind me is a cop. Surely I need to make an immediate stop in at this Check ‘n Go!”

They say stress can kill a man, or at least make a face break out, neither of which is good. Lucky for me, neither really happened, but, as I lay in bed thinking about it, I did feel a huge weight bearing down on me. I pushed her off, sent her home, and showered in regret. Then thought more about the increasing risk I was putting myself in with each day that I drove unregistered in the state of California. Was this really worth all the worry? Should I just go to the DMV and face the music. The music which is probably most comparable to a 2-hour loop of Shakira’s howling in “She Wolf” (ah-oooo). God help me. Let’s do this.

I am proud to say that today I have cleaned up my act and I’m not looking back. I admitted my problem and confronted it. Let me tell you, I have never felt better. A weight has been lifted. It’s a nerve-wrecking life to go out in the world without the proper documentation and always have to wonder when you will be sent out of this beautiful country… or just forced to pay a traffic fine. It’s possible that I had my SSN stolen and reused by another during that DMV trip, but hey, let’s just think of it as me giving back in some roundabout way. Today’s bottom line: the bills are paid, my mind is free, and now I can live life to be all I can be.

RH

MOB does Richmond!

Hello die hard Made of Bees fans! Here are some videos from the Richmond Improv festival. Like what you see? Come see us live!!!!

Enjoy!

MashUp: Richmond Comedy Coalition

The BEES are famous. Support local comedy. We do. You should too.

more about "MashUp: Richmond Comedy Coalition", posted with vodpod

Tweet this, b****es!

Carl and Sarah are walking through a forest.

Carl:…And then I thought my status update was hi-lar-ious, so I went ahead and liked it myself.  You know,  so people would see how clever I was.

Sarah: Yeah, I saw that.  Oh, did you see Lenny’s link to that video of that dude singing karaoke in his bedroom?

Carl: That was so great!  I’m going to do the same thing, except I’ll sing pop songs instead that Linkin Park shi…Ow!

Carl collapses to his knee, grabbing above his ankle.

Sarah: What is it?!

Carl: Something bit me!

Sarah: Let me take a look…oh yeah, it looks like a snake bit you.

Carl: What if it was poisonous?!

Sarah: Don’t worry, I’ll look up how to get the venom out.  Just give me a second…

Carl waits, sitting on the ground, clutching his ankle, grimacing in pain.  Sarah gets on her iPhone and quickly begins typing.  After 15 seconds, she’s still typing.  30, still typing.

Carl:…Well?!

Sarah: What?  Oh, my bad!  I wanted to let everyone know what had happened, so I logged onto Facebook real quick.

She looks at her phone while Carl slowly begins slumping down.

Sarah: Ooh, and people have already started to comment! Hehe, Jerry said that you’re finally one with nature.  That’s so funny.

Carl continues his descent into the dark void known as death.  Sarah is oblivious.

Sarah: Hey, I know!  Let me get a quick pic of the bite, so everyone can see!

Carl’s unresponsive, laying flat on the floor.  Sarah picks up his bitten leg, holding it up to take a photo with her iPhone.

Sarah: There we go.  Now just upload it to twitpic.  Let’s see, what’s a good tweet for this…Got it!  “Carl bit by snake…or angry forest nymphs?!”, asterisk, “conspiracy”.  Excellent…

Sarah looks down at Carl, who by now is dead.  Completely dead.  Gone.  Kaput.  Sarah gives the body a quick jab with her foot, then shrugs.  She starts walking, her focus on the screen of the iPhone.

Sarah: (Typing) Carl’s dead…F…M…L…(She continues walking)What, Lenny, you liked that?!…Oh, your comment is explaining that the “Like” is supposed be a “Dislike”, I get it!…

The screen fades to black as a voiceover begins.

VO: The iPhone 3.0.  We can’t bring your friend back to life, but you sure as hell can tweet about his untimely demise.

ZA

Many Facebook users are victim of ongoing Mafia war

Disassociated Press, 9-26-2009

Zach Arnold

Ryan Rezinski woke up this morning to find his Facebook profile in shambles.

“Someone came in overnight  and just ransacked the whole thing.  My favorite quotes, wall posts, photo albums…all of it’s been destroyed.” Rezinski said, fighting back tears.  “I don’t understand…I didn’t do anything wrong.”

This recent attack is not an isolated incident.  Over the past year, there have been multiple reports of Facebook users’ profiles being ransacked, ultimately leaving the familiar blue & white page a shell of what it once was.

The reason behind this epidemic?  One needs to look no further than the large scale Mafia war that has broken out across the site.

At last count, over 24.5 million people on Facebook have joined the ranks of the Mafia.  One of the requirements in gaining acceptance, and in turn more power, is recruiting your friends to become part of the Mafia.  Many do accept the offer, but for the few that do not, the consequences are heartbreaking.

Lynne Wapnerson is one of those people who dealt with the consequences.  “It was 6 pm on a Friday, and I got a message saying my friend Rita was offering me a chance to join her gang.  Now, I’m just on Facebook to find old friends, maybe play some FarmVille in my free time.  I never wanted to be part of a Mafia.  So I clicked the ignore button and thought that was the end of it.  Well, on Sunday, I got another request from Rita to join her gang.  Except this time, she sent me a message telling me that she ‘couldn’t be responsible for what happened’ if I didn’t join up.  I thought she was joking, and I clicked the ignore button again.  Monday morning, I go to my profile, and everything is ruined.”  Lynne’s eyes go misty as she stares straight ahead.  “And my farm?  On FarmVille?  It was razed, completely demolished.  All my crops, my cattle, everything was either dead or dying.”

Since that incident, Lynne has closed that profile and created a new one under an alias, created with the help of a government agency.

“We are taking these Mafia wars very seriously.” A spokesperson for the FBI commented.  “Ordinary people who desire to live their lives in peace should not have to deal with these aggressors.  We do have people on the inside, and are hoping to bring down the organizations within 3 years.”

Until then, though, how many more innocent people must lose their profiles?  For some, that blue & white page is their livelihood.  Notes replacing diaries; Favorite Quotes replacing the desire to have “Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most” tattooed across their shoulders; Friend Requests replacing…friend requests.  “Most people just want everyone to know their opinion about Fall Out Boy,” The FBI spokesperson said, “And until we bring down those Mafia organizations to cease the wars, the FBI encourages people to continue posting and updating their profiles.  There is an end in sight.”

If you or anyone you know has either been involved in the Mafia war, or has been attempted to be recruited, please contact the nearest FBI agency in your area.

ZA

Welcome to Atlanta. Bienvenido a Atlanta.

The BEES (well, 3/4 of them) got in Aaron’s Blazer, no not the jacket, and drove a gazillion hours, or 7, to Atlanta, Georgia for the 6th Annual Black Box Improv Festival.

Here is a short 3-4 minute video recapping adventures.

Enjoy.

-MB.

Obama challenges kids to take responsibility, causes riot.

Disassociated Press

9/8/2009

Zach Arnold

Earlier today, President Barack Obama presented a speech that was available to every school in the country.  Already rocked by scandal, Obama maintained his aggressive stature, speaking volumes of propaganda, most of it containing the message to students to fulfill their responsibilities.

After hearing this message, several students decided to take this propagandist rumbling to heart.  Many of them were later seen at the library; some could be found walking through the rows of books, opening their minds to subjects that they previously dismissed as unworthy of their time.  Others were on the library’s computers, visiting such websites as the official one for the White House, some even going so far as to visit the official site for their state.

“I honestly had no idea that Obama used to be a junior Senator for Illinois,” Tom Popiate, a senior at Yancy High School in Turpin, Alabama said, “Seriously, the only Senate I’ve ever really known about was the Galactic Senate in the Star Wars movies.”

Several of the opponents to Obama’s speech went on the offensive afterward, incensed at their children taking an initiative to improve their lives.

“I’m physically ill that my daughter is now looking into colleges,” Franklin Johansonsmith of Ering, Michigan ranted, “For the past 16 years, all that me and her mother have told her is that a woman’s place is at home, taking care of the two children she’s supposed to have, and now here we have No-bama telling her she should challenge herself?  She doesn’t need that stress!”

Many of the opponents to the President’s speech have come together in hopes of creating a counter-presentation, due to be presented in the following two weeks.

“I was telling my daughter about the plan for our speech,” Johansonsmith says, his hand running nervously through his hair, “And she replies with, ‘Oh, just like the minority leader in the Congress makes the address after the State of the Union.’ Hearing her say that made me shudder.”

Would the students be as willing to listen to a counter-argument in which they are encouraged to continue being apathetic?  “Sure, I’d listen,” Popiate says, “But I don’t think I’d go back to the way I was.  You hear about this whole ‘Electoral College’ thing?  Crazy.”

ZA

LIVE OLD NUDES…not really.

Hello you beautiful people.

It’s been a hot minute since the blog’s been updated.  A week and a day, to be exact.  It’s a good thing that no one’s being paid to write on here, otherwise they’d have been fired for lack of production.

That’s not to say that we haven’t had people visiting the site, however.  Indeed, on any given day, we have had between 5 and 8 views.  From a statistical standpoint, we’re getting more hits than an anti-Spice Girls site that hasn’t been updated since 1999.  I’ll take those numbers.

The way people are coming to the site troubles me a little.  For those of you who have not discovered the joy of WordPress yet, each blog is given a “dashboard”, where the creator/handler of the site can analyze how many individuals visit the site, and what search terms are used to bring people to the site.

At the beginning, we had the standard search-term fare.  Lady Gaga, Mark Sanford, Sarah Palin, et cetera.

However, ever since Aaron wrote his entry about the epidemic of old men being naked in locker rooms, the search terms have been getting…well…weird.

The past couple of weeks, the search terms that have brought people to our site have included “naked old men”, “nude public shower room”, and my personal favorite, “elderly nude”.

I really have no idea what the people who typed in those terms were looking for.  Well, I have an idea, but I don’t want to think about it more than I have to.  All I have to say, though, is if you are one of those people who typed in one of those terms, hoping to find material of a more…adult nature…sorry.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic that you decided to click on the link to our humble little site, but if you were coming on here in hopes of octogenarian intimacy, sorry to disappoint.

Being the dedicated researcher I am, I decided to put those search terms in myself, and see where our site showed up.  It both bothered and pleased me that the site didn’t show up in the first five pages.  Pleasing because I’m fairly sure the last thing we want is to be known as a hub for love, elderly style.  Bothering, because this means that whoever typed those terms in was clicking far into the search queue.  I guess, perhaps, they had grown tired of the mainstream stuff, and were looking for something a little rawer.

In conclusion, keep on typing those wacky search terms, true believers.  They brighten my day.  Mostly.

ZA